Can watching pornography together bring couples closer and improve their sex lives? Could it introduce excitement, creativity and variety into a relationship, or might it instead trigger jealousy, insecurity and emotional distance?
Dvora Avnat Azran, 42, is a psychotherapist and certified sex therapist who lives in Tel Aviv with her husband and two daughters. She explains when watching porn together can benefit a relationship, why fantasies should not be confused with real-life desires and what couples should consider before pressing play.
Can watching porn together improve a couple's sex life?
"For some couples, it can be a way to introduce playfulness, curiosity and variety into sex. It can break the routine, spark desire and help people discover sides of themselves they haven't expressed before.
"But it's important to understand that porn itself doesn't create intimacy. What matters is the meaning the partners attach to watching it. If they're curious, feel safe and can talk about what they're seeing and how it makes them feel, it can become part of their sexual play. But it can't solve problems in the bedroom. It's simply another way to have fun."
How can watching porn together affect sexual openness and communication?
"Sometimes it's easier to talk about something you're seeing on a screen than to start a conversation yourself and say something directly. You can point to the screen and use it as a kind of intermediary.
"That allows you to respond to something external, which can make things easier for some people. You can say what makes you curious, what appeals to you and what doesn't. You can ask yourself what it brings up for you and what it brings up for your partner. It can open up conversations about sexuality."
Dvora Avnat Azran: 'If you can't distinguish between fantasy and reality, it can certainly be harmful'
(Photo: Dalia Shahar)
Does what we enjoy watching in porn reflect what we actually want to do in real life?
"We have to be very careful about that. What we enjoy watching as a fantasy isn't necessarily something we want to experience ourselves. These are two completely different worlds.
"If a woman enjoys watching a particular sexual act, that doesn't mean she wants to try it or that something is missing from her real sex life. There is a very clear distinction between fantasy and reality."
Can watching porn together also trigger jealousy?
"Yes. If someone can't distinguish between fantasy and reality, or if it creates problems with self-image or a distorted perception of the relationship, it can certainly be harmful.
"If it triggers jealousy, comparisons or feelings of inadequacy, I encourage the couple to talk about it. They need to understand exactly what's making them uncomfortable. Is it the content itself, or perhaps the feeling that it conflicts with their personal values?
"The goal isn't to convince each other, but to understand what's behind the discomfort. That conversation alone can be very interesting and can actually bring the couple closer."
What if one partner wants to watch porn together but the other feels uncomfortable?
"As with anything involving sexuality, if one person wants to do something and the other doesn't, you don't do it. You can have a conversation about it, and if a compromise is possible, you can discuss that too.
"But it's much more meaningful to talk about why someone doesn't want to. That can create an open conversation that makes room for both partners' feelings. Under no circumstances should anyone be pressured or forced."
So which couples might benefit from watching porn together?
"Couples who have discussed it and reached a mutual decision that it's right for them. There's also the test of what happens afterward.
"If, after watching, both partners feel closer, more curious, freer and more familiar with each other's fantasies, even if they have no intention of acting them out, that's one possible outcome. If they feel the opposite, that's something they need to pay attention to."
What about situations where one partner watches porn alone and the other gets angry?
"They need to talk and understand what's behind the anger. It's important to see whether they understand the reasons for watching porn and whether they can even discuss the subject openly.
"It's also worth examining whether there might be an element of addiction, whether porn is replacing something else in the relationship or whether the partners simply have different moral views about it. Every situation is different."
What's your advice to couples considering watching porn together?
"Communication. That's actually my advice as both a couples therapist and a sex therapist. Communicate, talk to each other, and if there's something you can't talk about, it's important to talk about why you can't talk about it."
Sex tip: Schedule a weekly sex date in advance.