Dr. Itamar Cohen, 37, is a clinical psychologist who researches the psychology of kink and sexuality. He works at the Psychedelic Research Institute at Tel Aviv University’s Sagol School of Neuroscience and at Ichilov Hospital, and lives in Tel Aviv.
You have a lecture titled ‘The psychology behind kink.’ How did you come to study this world?
“It started when I was working in London, which is a particularly strong kink capital. I began working with patients from the local kink community, and from that clinical work, I started researching the unique characteristics of this community.”
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“Kink allows us to come into contact with deep emotions not through talking or analysis, but through physical experience”
(Photo: Shutterstock)
What insights did you reach?
“The kink world refers to sexual practices that are considered outside the norm. We are drawn to places society is most afraid of, spaces that sit between sanity and madness, safety and danger, order and chaos. Precisely there lies a huge opportunity for psychological growth.
“Kink allows us to come into contact with deep emotions not through talking or analysis, but through physical experience. It creates a space where pain can be worked through action rather than words. At the same time, it is a very sensitive world, so it must be approached carefully, with awareness and safety.”
Can you give an example of how this works in practice?
“For example, when couples introduce sadomasochistic dynamics into their relationship, which are often labeled ‘abnormal’ but are actually quite common, it can help them access emotional places they could not reach in any other way.
“Imagine someone who struggles with vulnerability in daily life. In the kink world, they can choose to be in a vulnerable position, but this time with control, consent and choice. That is a profound shift. Returning to vulnerability from a safe starting point allows for emotional repair. It is real psychological work.”
So is kink a form of therapy?
“Kink is not therapy, but it can be a therapeutic experience. It provides access to emotional parts that are not always reachable through ordinary conversation. In therapy, people sometimes say, ‘I understand it, but I don’t feel it.’ Kink allows them to feel it.
“Through these dynamics, people can explore boundaries, their place in a relationship, their ability to release or hold control, all within a consensual, safe and caring space.”
What happens if partners’ fantasies do not align?
“This is a critical point. One of the pillars of the kink world is healthy communication. If one partner does not connect with a specific fantasy, that is not the end of the conversation.
“It is important to understand that kink is only the external expression. Beneath it lies an emotional root, such as shame, guilt, a need for control or a desire for surrender. Often, couples discover they share the same emotional foundation, even if the outward expression differs.”
Why is it important to engage with these emotions at all?
“Because they deepen the sexual world and make it more meaningful, and they also strengthen the couple’s bond. Couples who explore these worlds together, with consent and trust, report deeper intimacy, greater trust and a stronger sense of vitality. Ultimately, this contributes to overall mental well-being.”
How does someone begin?
“It is a journey of exploration. First, you need to connect with your own experience, and then translate it to your partner.
“Kink excites us because it allows access to desire through a simple equation. Initial attraction plus obstacles equals intense sexual arousal. Obstacles create psychological friction that activates imagination, which is the strongest erotic fuel.
“Kink fills the gap of imagination with real action. The next step is communicating this with a partner openly and safely, creating a richer and more connected sexual experience.”
Sex tip:
“Kink is not a deviation. It is a window into how people seek connection and safety.”