“Family is something you don’t choose” may be a cliché, but like many clichés, it contains more than a grain of truth. The relationship between parents and children is complex, encompassing a wide range of emotions, from love, respect and a desire for closeness to a need for independence, anger and feelings of being misunderstood.
Often, it is the children who seek autonomy, while parents want to set the path, a dynamic that frequently leads to family conflict. But what happens when work is added to the mix, and a father or mother is not only a parent but also the boss?
Years ago, at the very start of my professional career, I worked with my mother writing educational programs. Today, we both see it as an experience that strengthened our relationship. I think our good fortune was that we worked within an organized workplace, not a family-owned business. Roles were clearly defined: my mother taught me to the best of her ability and treated my independent ideas with respect and openness, while I tried to learn as much as possible from her and to understand that I did not always know everything.
Fortunately, there were supervisors above us, rules and institutional constraints, which meant most frustrations were contained within a certain framework. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if the business had been my mother’s. Would we still have met the challenges in good spirit, or would something have exploded?
Ayelet Somech, 34, a mother of two (ages 6 and 2) from the Arava, began working at her father’s law office nearly six years ago. “I’m a lawyer, and I’ve been working at my father’s firm since the end of 2020. Even as a student, I worked for him for about two years as a pre-intern. My father is one of the people closest to me, and for me it’s a huge pleasure to be with him during the day and sometimes steal a lunch together. Beyond that, I’m very happy to have the opportunity to learn from him and accompany him through various professional processes. There are things I would never have seen or experienced if I weren’t working with him.”
Have you ever tried working elsewhere?
“Yes. I did my internship and my first year as a lawyer at another firm, and it was great. But after I gave birth to my eldest son, and because of various complexities like a husband serving in a combat role in the army, I decided the most suitable option for me was to work in my father’s office.”
Still, it isn’t always simple when your father shifts from being a parent to being a boss. “First of all, I deal with the feeling that I constantly have to prove, mainly to myself, that I’m where I am by merit, not by favor, that I’m not just ‘the daughter of.’ There’s also the big challenge of separating the professional from the personal, and not taking office conflicts home, or the other way around.”
Do you really manage to keep that separation?
“Yes. With us it’s very clear: anything related to work, I address him by his first name; at home, he’s my dad. I can tell a story that starts with, ‘I was in a meeting today with Chen and he said this and that,’ and then say, ‘and at lunch I ate with my dad.’ There’s a real distinction between when he’s my father and when he’s my boss.”
At the end of the day, she says, it’s worth it. “To me, it’s a huge privilege to work with one of your parents. Sadly, our time with our parents is limited, and there’s something amazing about being with them outside the boundaries of home and family, and experiencing them in additional roles.”
Work talk at family meals
Noa, 24, and Yoav Brotelfeld Matzri, 23, from Tel Aviv, work in their father’s business, an industrial laundry in Petah Tikva called “Five Stripes,” which specializes in laundry services for restaurants, food factories and clean rooms. They’ve been there for as long as they can remember. “It wasn’t something that started suddenly,” Yoav says. “I remember myself, already in first grade, coming in during school vacations and working. A little here, a little there, whatever I could do. It’s been that way ever since.”
Noa also came as a young child to help her father during school breaks, but realizing this was truly what she wanted to do came about three years ago. “A lot of young people look for themselves after the army, figuring out what to do and where to work. At first, I ruled out working with my father, but when I came back from my post-army trip, I realized I had something good and successful in my hands, something not many people get, a ready-made business that many dream of. I said, why not?”
What are the main challenges of working with your father?
“Mostly disagreements,” Yoav says. “We both want to move the business forward, and he expects a lot from me, both because I’m his son and because the business is important to him. He knows a certain way of working, and sometimes I want to do things differently.”
And when three family members work together, there’s an added challenge. “We really try to separate home and work as much as possible,” Noa says, “but a lot of the time work comes home with us. We talk about work at family meals or even just while driving. We find ourselves discussing things that happened at the laundry or things we want to do in the business.”
There are advantages, too. “If I have an exam or need time to study, he’s always considerate,” Noa says. “I know I can leave work early or in the middle of the day and come back.” Yoav also notes a certain privilege. “If there’s a day I can’t make it, he lets it slide. On the other hand, you’re expected to be there from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., and there are tough days. Still, it’s nice and convenient to get a day off once in a while, even though there aren’t many, and of course it feels good to get praise from your dad.”
What really keeps you in the business?
“I never thought I’d work there for three years,” Noa says. “I said I’d try it, and I discovered that it suits me and that I enjoy what I do. I like setting goals again and again and managing to reach them.”
Yoav adds: “I like going there. From a young age, I loved it. Working with my father means learning from someone close, who sits with you, talks things through, tells you where to improve and expects a lot from you. When your parent is also your boss, you’re given more responsibility at a young age. You learn, you understand things, you see things differently. After a while, you know how to handle the business, the clients, the suppliers. In the end, nowhere else would a young person be given the chance to manage relationships with so many people. Learning from my father, who built the business from scratch with his own two hands, is empowering.”
'There’s always a ride to work'
Lia Sharabi, 21, from Rehovot, says she has worked with her father for as long as she can remember. “Already in fifth grade, I would come and just sit in his accounting office, but I really started working after finishing high school. I had a long period of downtime before enlisting, and I used it to work at the office. Even during my army service, when I served as a firefighter in the Air Force on a week-on, week-off schedule, I made sure to come to the office during the weeks I was home.”
Do you manage to keep work and home separate?
“First of all, I noticed that when I call him ‘Dad’ at the office, he doesn’t answer. So at work I started calling him Ido, like all his employees, and that he responds to. Sometimes that habit carries over at home, and then my mother gets annoyed and asks me to call him Dad. There’s no doubt that sometimes work, and work conversations, continue at home. I’m not a regular employee. I also work from home and during vacations. It’s a job that feels like it’s mine, and because the office is family-run, I’m completely committed to it.”
There are advantages as well. “I like the convenience, the fact that sometimes I arrive late and make up the work when it suits me, that I can sit and rest and eat in the boss’s office. Sometimes I even drag him out to lunch, and of course that’s on the boss — Dad. The office is also very close to home, within walking distance, and there’s always a ride to work.”
What advice would you give someone debating whether to work with their parents?
“If you work with your parents, take into account that you’ll need to compromise and learn how to argue respectfully. But extra quality time with your father is a gift, and it’s worth everything. It’s also an investment in the future. That’s how I feel my father is investing his knowledge, experience and skills in me, and I’m counting on the fact that one day the office will be mine and my dad will retire.”