The pelvic floor is usually treated as a women’s health topic, something many men rarely think about in a sexual context.
But the internal “hammock” of muscles supporting the lower body also plays a role in men’s sexual function, including erections, ejaculation, control and the ability to experience pleasure.
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Lena Leyla: The pelvic floor is usually discussed as a women’s health issue, but it also plays a role in erections, ejaculation and sexual sensation in men
(Photo: Shavit Vos)
For Lena Leyla, a somatic sexuality and tantra facilitator who developed the “orgasmic pelvis” method, learning to recognize and work with these muscles can be especially important for men dealing with sexual difficulties.
“In the past year, I have received tons of messages from reservists who told me that their challenges in bed jumped by hundreds of percent after they came home,” she says.
“I really want to tell all those reservists: If you have premature ejaculation or you are currently experiencing erection problems, know that this is completely normal. It is a completely normal response from your body. Your nervous system is doing what it needs to do because it is still protecting you.”
Reservists returning from prolonged periods of combat, she says, may still be carrying the physiological effects of extreme stress.
“You came home after a very difficult period that included a great deal of stress,” she explains. “When the body is in an extreme survival state, it does what it needs to do, which is send blood to the extremities, meaning the arms and legs, while sending less blood to the digestive and reproductive systems.
“And when there is not enough blood flowing to the genital area, it affects erections, it affects ejaculation, because that pelvic-floor muscle is currently experiencing a kind of blockage.”
What exactly is the pelvic floor?
Let’s clarify first: What is the pelvic floor, and how can men begin connecting with it?
“The pelvic floor, or as I like to call it, the ‘erotic muscle,’ is a system with several very important functions,” Leyla says.
“It begins at the tailbone, stretches toward the sitting bones and comes forward to the base of the penis. That means it really surrounds the genital organs. It helps stabilize the spine and holds the internal organs located in the abdominal cavity.
“You can think of it as a hammock of muscles holding our abdominal organs inside the pelvic cavity. Another role is controlling the sphincters.”
Sexually, she says, the pelvic floor functions as an “orgasm muscle” for both women and men.
But strength, in this case, does not simply mean tightening it harder.
“Usually, people go to the gym to strengthen muscles, and what they do is build them up so they become as large as possible. With the pelvic floor, strength is determined by its ability both to contract and release, to gather and to relax.
“It is a little like the heart muscle contracting and releasing, with both actions responsible for moving blood. The same thing happens in the pelvic area.”
For a man who has never consciously identified the muscles, Leyla suggests using urination only as a one-time recognition exercise.
Men with premature ejaculation often describe the feeling as going from zero to 100
(Photo: Shutterstock)
“If a man does not know what the pelvic floor is or where it is, the first thing I advise him to do, just as women are sometimes advised, is to sit on the toilet and briefly stop the flow of urine.
“Do not do this regularly. The purpose is simply to identify how that muscle works, so we can bring awareness to it.”
Because so many people spend long periods sitting, she adds, the pelvic floor can also remain chronically tense.
“We spend most of our time sitting, and sitting creates a lot of pressure both on the spine and on the pelvic-floor area.
“So a man who wants to begin connecting to his pelvic floor and teach it to relax, rather than remain constantly held, which unfortunately is its usual state, should try to move as much as possible.
“You can sit on a Pilates ball, for example, or do things that lengthen the muscles, movement, yoga, anything involving stretching.”
Premature ejaculation and the ‘point of no return’
You said pelvic-floor control can also help with premature ejaculation. How does that work?
“With premature ejaculation, there is what is known as the ‘point of no return,’ a point after which any additional stimulation can lead only to ejaculation,” Leyla says.
“A lot of men with premature ejaculation describe the feeling as going from zero to 100 in a matter of seconds. But there is a process happening, and first of all it requires awareness, because when there is no awareness, change cannot happen, with all due respect to numbing gels.
“We also want to strive for enjoyable, connected sexuality rather than beginning by numbing ourselves.”
Pelvic awareness, she says, may help men notice the rise in arousal earlier and identify the stage immediately before ejaculation.
Some men unknowingly contract their buttocks, abdomen and pelvic floor throughout sex, which she says can heighten arousal and accelerate ejaculation.
“That is why it is important that we learn to relax.”
Exercises involving both contraction and release, together with breathing, may help shift the body away from automatic reactions.
“The pelvic floor and diaphragm work together,” she says. “Slow, deep breathing can reduce the physical alertness that accelerates ejaculation.
“Breathing will also lower stress, move the man’s nervous system into a calmer state and help him last longer in bed.”
'With premature ejaculation, there is what is known as the ‘point of no return,’ a point beyond which any further stimulation will lead to ejaculation'
(Photo: Shutterstock)
Leyla says she has personally experienced the difference with men who were more aware of what was happening in their bodies.
“As a woman, I have been with men who were more aware of what was happening in their bodies and knew how to control their ejaculation, and it is a completely different experience.
“It is not sex focused on finishing. It is sexuality where the emphasis is on staying together.”
Stress, anxiety and erections
We are a tense society living under constant stress. How can men reduce some of the stress or anxiety they bring into bed?
“I really feel that sexuality is like a channel for regulating stress and anxiety,” Leyla says. “It is almost like a technology that we have not yet fully harnessed.”
If someone notices that he is stressed during sex, she recommends slowing down, breathing deeply and allowing the body to be where it is, even if that means temporarily losing an erection.
“Allow yourself even to be in a state of having a soft penis within the sexual space. In other words, literally relax and say, okay, this is the situation right now, because there are still many things you can do sexually that are not penetration.”
Another method is deep abdominal breathing with long exhalations.
“Inflate the belly during the inhale and even let out sighs of relief. It is definitely possible that the erection will decrease a little during that time, but that is perfect because we want to calm the nervous system, and you can always get back on the wave.”
Touch and massage may also help.
A man who feels anxious during sex can also close his eyes and notice how much tension he is holding in the body.
“Really imagine the pelvic-floor area. Here is the penis, here is this bowl of muscles. Sometimes the buttocks are very tense, so you can ask your partner to help relax them through massage.”
Stop the mechanical thrusting
Another common behavior that may keep the male pelvic floor tense, Leyla says, is the repetitive thrusting familiar from pornography.
Instead, she recommends experimenting with other pelvic movements.
“You can move the pelvis in circles, for example. That can really relax it. Or move the pelvis in rotational or circular motions, or in more wave-like movements. Really think about the spine too.”
She also suggests shaking movements.
“You can even shake the penis, almost like wagging a tail. That can allow a man to maintain the erection for longer.”
According to Leyla, these movements help release muscular tension and encourage blood and oxygen flow into the genital area.
“All these movements release the muscles and actually bring more blood and oxygen to the penis, increase sexual arousal and can even increase a man’s sensitivity during sexual contact.”
A part of the body many straight men avoid
Let’s talk about another area connected to the pelvic floor, the anus. Many straight men have less access to that area because of stigma, fear, shame or cultural guilt, but if they allow themselves to receive touch there, they can experience a great deal of pleasure.
“A lot, a lot, a lot of pleasure,” Leyla says.
“In tantra, you know, the prostate is called the ‘million-dollar point.’ It is the man’s G-spot. And when you massage the anus toward the prostate, you discover that there is a lot of pleasure and orgasmic potential there. It is not only pleasurable, it is also very healthy.”
As for the stigma, she says the main barrier is often psychological.
“I think many times the obstacle is mental, this idea of, ‘What does it say about me if I like being touched in my anus?’ when the only thing it says about you is simply that you like being touched in your anus!” she laughs.
When approaching the area, she stresses gradual relaxation rather than force.
“This is an area that is used to being contracted, and we want to expand it by creating a feeling of safety.
“We want to treat it with respect, love and humility and approach gently. We do not immediately go and press on the anus. First, we begin by touching the surrounding area. Then we massage the buttocks, and only at the end do we reach the anus.”
She recommends using plenty of lubricant, preferably silicone-based because it generally lasts longer than water-based lubricant.
“When we go inward, whether with fingers or a penis, please go very slowly. Slowness is the fastest way to get where you want to go. That is an iron rule.”
The opposite approach, she says, is often what pornography teaches.
“Think about it a little like a flower opening gently. We really want to let that area invite us inside. Then we can feel how the sphincters work. It is really amazing.
“And before we begin moving back and forth, I really recommend staying still. The longer you stay, the safer the body will feel, so slow down.”
Leyla sums up her approach with a broader view of sexuality.
“Sexuality is a space for growth and development. It is the only place that allows us immediate connection with the body, and that is an enormous gift.”