“I always knew I was quiet, more of an observer — even back in kindergarten,” says Ori Shechter, who struggled with social anxiety and now leads support groups, recalling the moment she first realized something felt wrong.
“It happened the day we visited first grade. The teacher told us to go outside for recess, and in a flash, everyone ran out — except me. I stayed behind. It felt so natural to stay, just as natural as it seemed for them to leave. But outside looked like a jungle of kids. I remember thinking, ‘How can I be the only one who wants to stay inside?’”
“That was the moment I began to wonder if eating alone at recess would become a pattern,” she adds. “I was scared and sad to find out it would.”
Shechter describes her experience as living in “a glass cage.” Something as simple as throwing trash away in class felt like standing before a crowd of a hundred. “I’d wait until I thought no one was looking. I was terrified of doing something wrong. I wondered, ‘Are there social rules I don’t know about? What if I trip?’ Everything felt like a cliff’s edge.”
So that means don't look at me, don't talk to me, don't come near me, right?
“Yes, but at the same time, I kept asking — why does no one see me? Maybe they think I’m boring, or that I have nothing to say. I’d be bursting inside, with so much I wanted to share. I could see the version of me I wanted to be — and she just never came out. Every small comment felt like criticism. Real criticism felt like a punch to the gut.”
Ori Schechter Photo: Omer Hacohen“Every glance could dry out my mouth, raise my pulse — it felt like my heart would explode. My stomach would twist, I’d feel dizzy, cold sweat. And all I could do was be mad at myself. I didn’t understand what was happening to me or how to explain it. I’d get on the school bus, sit alone and hope no one would sit next to me. But also, I hoped someone would, because if they passed me by, what did that mean? That I was disgusting? Ugly? What did they see?”
“I was exhausted — constantly afraid. I had nightmares about school. I’d wake up with a huge weight on my chest. Every morning I cried to my mom, asking, ‘Is it this hard for everyone to wake up in the morning? If so, 30-year-olds deserve a medal. Life is so hard — how is it possible that just waking up is this difficult?’ And that was before even thinking about getting through the day.”
Like standing before 200 people
What Shechter describes is social anxiety — a condition in which the fear of judgment or criticism from others becomes overwhelming.
“Most people know the feeling,” says Prof. Idan Aderka, a clinical psychologist and head of the clinical program at the University of Haifa’s School of Psychological Sciences. “We’ve all felt it before a date or during public speaking — it’s stressful. But for people with social anxiety, that fear hits during situations that most of us wouldn’t think twice about: a hallway conversation, chatting with friends. Suddenly, it feels like 200 people are watching, and you’re panicked about saying the wrong thing or being judged.”
Prof. Idan AderkaPhoto: Chen Mandelson AderkaHow does this look in children?
“Think of a party in kindergarten. Everyone’s singing and dancing, but there’s always one child clinging to their parent, refusing to participate. That’s a clear example. Some kids won’t even go on school trips — to them, it’s like being onstage for 24 hours straight. It’s unbearable.”
“We need to be more aware,” he says. “We don’t always recognize it, or we misunderstand it. Often, we assume a child with social anxiety is aloof or snobbish because they don’t speak — when in reality, they’re frozen with fear. It’s a condition we need to understand better.”