Couples often dream of the day they will move in together—sharing a bed, waking up with a smile, eating meals side by side and building a little home filled with love. But the romantic vision often collides with reality: dishes pile up in the sink, bills need paying and the daily routine leaves little room for passion.
Alongside the hugs and movie nights, shared living also brings compromises and arguments about everything from money to air conditioning. So when is the right moment to take that step, and how can couples make it work?
“Moving in together isn’t just another phase—it’s a milestone that can either strengthen the bond or strain it,” relationship counselor and mediator Natali Ilan tells Ynet in an interview. “The shift from longing to daily routine can wear down a relationship, and the initial excitement often gives way to practical challenges.
“One partner spends more, the other leaves wet towels around, one needs privacy and quiet, the other craves constant closeness. These differences are natural. The real issue is whether the couple can talk about them.”
The good news, Ilan explains, is that with honest communication and the right tools, a shared home can become a space of intimacy and growth. Living together deepens commitment, builds stability and creates a stronger foundation for planning a future together.
Before making the move, Ilan urges couples to ask themselves key questions: How will we manage money? Will we share an account or keep separate ones? How will household chores be divided? Where do we set boundaries with family and friends? How much privacy and alone time does each of us need? Most importantly, how do we handle conflict—by avoiding it, ignoring it or sitting down to talk?
“Cohabitation isn’t a test of love but of communication,” she says. “Living together makes differences in personality and habits impossible to ignore. Couples who manage the adjustment build a stronger backbone for their relationship, while those who can’t often fall into cycles of petty arguments that erode the bond.”
Seemingly minor habits—like leaving shoes in the wrong place or disagreements over spending—can become daily flashpoints. That doesn’t mean the relationship is failing, Ilan notes, only that couples must learn how to run a household together. She advises seeking guidance early, rather than waiting for problems to escalate.
Maturity, she adds, isn’t measured by how long a couple has been together but by the quality of their connection. If they can talk openly about money, struggles, dreams and future plans, they are probably ready. For some, living together before marriage can serve as a “simulation” of married life, revealing how each partner handles conflict and whether their communication is strong enough.
But what if one partner is ready and the other isn’t? “It has to be mutual,” Ilan explains. “Otherwise, frustration builds. Instead of pushing, try to understand the hesitation. Is it fear of losing freedom? Doubts about the relationship? Or just needing more time?”
Living together also affects intimacy. For some couples, closeness fuels spontaneity and sex becomes more frequent; for others, routine dulls desire. In those cases, she stresses, intentional effort is needed to keep intimacy alive.
Arguments about money, she warns, are rarely about money alone. “They reflect deeper issues—security, freedom, control, values. A saver isn’t automatically stingy, and a spender isn’t necessarily reckless. When partners frame financial differences in emotional terms, the conversation shifts from blame to understanding.”
Setting shared goals, like saving for a home or a major trip, can make compromises easier. Some couples combine finances for household expenses while maintaining personal accounts for individual freedom. Transparency reduces conflict, Ilan emphasizes, turning money into a tool for cooperation rather than a source of resentment.
The biggest mistake, she says, is failing to talk about expectations in advance. Couples often assume things will “just work out,” but silence can breed frustration. She advises clear agreements about chores, time alone and personal space, alongside regular rituals like a weekly date night to keep romance alive.
The challenge grows in so-called “second-chapter” relationships, where partners often bring children, financial obligations and ties to ex-spouses into the mix. Here, Ilan says, open communication is even more critical.
Couples must decide how to manage joint and separate finances, give children time to adjust, and set clear rules about parenting roles. Boundaries with former spouses are also essential to prevent tension.
Above all, she insists, personal space is not a luxury but a necessity. “Finding the balance between intimacy and independence, between couple time, personal time and family time, is key. Honest communication about fears and vulnerabilities doesn’t weaken a relationship—it strengthens it.”