In these turbulent days, Tali Shemesh, 48, an events producer from Ra’anana, is spending quite a bit of time in the safe room of her ex-husband, Shai, while he spends time in hers. Her current partner, Sharon Dagan, also shelters with them in the safe room.
Tali and Shai, parents of three children ages 20, 19 and 12, divorced eight years ago. They live near each other in the Neve Zemer neighborhood of Ra’anana, and during the current war often move back and forth between their homes. Shai lives in a garden apartment and Tali in a multi-story building, and both have proper protected spaces.
“When we are together in the safe room, we have fixed spots,” Tali said. “Sharon and Shai sit next to each other, and I throw myself on the bed with the kids. I am always tense and anxious, every boom makes me jump, and the two of them just sit there laughing at me. Usually, their calmness rubs off on me, and we start talking nonsense and laughing.
“Shai always tells his family that I upgraded after the divorce. Sharon, for example, knows how to cook, Shai does not, so a lot of the time Shai comes over and asks what Sharon made to eat. By the way, I am still on very good terms with Shai’s family too, and I see them often.”
How does she explain the good atmosphere?
“I see divorce differently. In the past, I ran a group for divorced men and women with about 13,000 members, and people there were always talking about battles between exes, ‘he took from me’ and ‘she did this to me,’ and of course, the children were caught in the middle. To me, that is awful. I knew very clearly that this would not happen in my case. When I met Sharon, I understood this was the real test, and that this was my time to prove it was possible. And it really is possible.”
The good relations also affect the rest of the family.
“My parents pamper me a lot,” Tali said. “They are always bringing us groceries and food. When my mother brings me cookies, for example, she brings two boxes, one for me and one for Shai. My father always jokes that I manage very well with two men.”
Everything is done for the children, Tali stressed.
“They should not be harmed by the divorce. They are not to blame. My children go around with a sense of pride in the extended family we have created. They are exposed to families where the divorces are not good, and I hear them advising friends on how things should be handled. When they hear about parents who do not speak and pass messages through the children, it drives them crazy. I am giving them an example of how to do this in a healthy, proper way. You have to let go of the past, let go of the anger and the desire for revenge. It is unnecessary and gives you nothing.”
“The children are proud of our extended family and even advise their friends.”
When did she meet Sharon?
“About six years ago, through an app. It was a time when I was busy organizing parties as part of my business and had no time to go on dates, so I invited him to my house for the lighting of the second Hanukkah candle. He arrived and was in shock, because it was a huge party. Then all the divorced women from the group saw a new face and immediately lit up. I went up to the dance floor and announced, ‘This is my date.’ Just like that, so it would be clear and there would be no doubts. And we really had a Hanukkah miracle, because we are still together. Since then, every year we celebrate the second Hanukkah candle to mark the day we met.”
And how did Sharon and Shai become connected?
“I created a business connection between them. Shai runs a real estate agency, and after I introduced them, Sharon worked for him as an agent. Today Sharon works in business promotion, and in that role he handles the marketing for Shai’s agency. Basically, they are good friends, and we all more or less live together.
“Sharon has four children, ages 20, 19, 12 and 11, and our custody schedules are very similar. On Mondays and Wednesdays and every other weekend, the children are with us, but we are very flexible with the schedule, especially during war. His children come to my apartment, but they do not sleep אצלנו because they study in Tel Aviv, so he takes them back in the evening.”
What are the relations like among the children?
“Every other weekend we are all together, and they have already bonded. They are close in age and very good friends. The older ones are in the military, so they have shared topics to talk about.”
In effect, she has created an extended family for herself.
“I call it a modern family. I know that quite a few divorced people around us have taken inspiration from us and decided to put ego and fights aside for the sake of the children. The children are the biggest winners in this story, both my three and Sharon’s four, because they do not experience negative energy and their family has grown.
“During the coronavirus period, I hosted the Passover Seder at my house. Around the table sat me and my partner, my ex-husband, his partner, her ex-husband and the children. At that moment, I felt it was my picture of victory.”