Hi Shelly. I have a sexual fetish. I'm dying to tell my girlfriend but I'm afraid I'll scare her off. What do you recommend I should do?
A sexual fetish is a form of attraction or a desire for sexual gratification attached to an object, clothing articles, specific body parts, etc. Whether real or imagined, it is paramount for the person with the fetish to achieve sexual gratification. While there are plenty of different fetishes, the most common ones are leather accouterments and feet. It is accepted to be more common among men than women.
Dr. Cobi Reisman, a urologist and sexologist, says fetishism is a common expression of sexual desire and part of a broad spectrum of healthy sexual behavior, when consensual of course. According to him, if the fetish manifests during puberty, it will usually continue into adulthood.
Professional assistance helps many accept their fetish and find alternative ways to enjoy their sexuality.
However, some men I see in my clinical are apprehensive about revealing their fetishes, and that's understandable. Men with abnormal sexual behaviors have long been portrayed as undesirable and even violent in film and TV.
As a matter of fact, up until 2013, sexual behaviors linked to fetishism and BDSM were considered mental disorders. I hope you have already understood that even the medical establishment has changed its mind on the issue.
The great success of "50 Shades of Gray" was also a positive turning point for society, turning BDSM and other "abnormal" sexual activities more attractive and even sexual fantasy for many women around the world.
So how do you tell your significant other about your fetish?
They will pick up on your energy. If you talk about it in a light-hearted fashion, they're unlikely to react strongly. You can also explain it's a sexual fantasy you'd like to share with them. It also depends on whether you're completely reliant on this fetish to orgasm or whether it's a bonus. It's also important to illustrate to your partner how this fetish can add to your sex life.
Most fetishes integrate into couples' sex lives pretty easily. Wearing leather or stilted heels can add variety. If your fetish is focused around a specific body part, you should ask your partner if it's okay to focus on it to that extent.
Obviously, if you feel your fetish causes emotional distress or anxiety in your relationship, it is important to seek professional help from a licensed sex therapist.