When acquaintances wonder how someone can be 30 and not be in a committed and mature relationship, I refute the charges. I am in a serious, stable and long term relationship, I insist, with my intelligent, stage-struck, wildly jealous, hysterically funny, irritable, green parrot.
“Get used to it,” I tell my parents. “You have a grandson with a beak.”
I’m writing this for people who are deeply and unapologetically in love with their pets. They’re immune to comments like, “really, find yourself a spouse,” or, “why are you talking about your dog as if it’s a child?” These pet-owners are secure in the knowledge that they possess something very rare: Unconditional love.
Love me; love my pet
“Thirteen years ago, in an inexplicable burst of spontaneity, I adopted an emaciated street kitten that had obviously been abused,” recounts Anat Dolev, a broadcaster and the spokesperson for the Sheba Medical Center. “Before that, it never even crossed my mind that I would become a cat’s mother. I thought it wasn’t hygienic, and I didn’t have time.
“Little Mishkin looked like a real savage, but he changed my life forever. My soul was so entwined with his, that all my friends came to the unavoidable conclusion that I was ready to become a mother.”
Were they correct?
“Shortly after I became Mishkin’s mother, I met my husband – now my ex-husband, may he be well – and after a year of marriage, we already had Dandush (Dan), who is now 11. The boy grew and wanted a brother or sister, but, unfortunately, it was a decree that the public (me) couldn’t handle.
“Thankfully, Chuli, a slutty cat who has purebred chocolate Persian blood in her veins, came into our lives. She brought a lot of laughter, happiness and love into our home. She immediately became the princess of the house, Dan’s sister, and my furry, whiskered daughter. That’s how I became a proud single mother of a boy and a cat.”
How did your ex-husband initially react to your relationship with Mishkin?
“My ex hated the cat, and the cat hated him back. But we got married anyway. In my experience, if an animal discourages a potential spouse, he’s simply not the right guy. After all, it would never occur to anyone to say that he likes me but that my son kind of bothers him, right?
“Chuli is my furry daughter, for all intents and purposes, and she comes as part of the package, which includes both Dan and me. And anyone who loves me must at least accept her and learn to coexist with her in my heart.
“Since I adopted Chuli as my daughter, I think that I’ve become a better person, more attentive and caring – to those with two feet and with four. And Dan? He already has a sister. Slightly unusual, perhaps, but, hey, learning to tolerate those that are different is also a value, no?”
Guys name their dogs after their exes
Michal Becher, spokesperson for the Kibbutz HaMeuchad Library, has a small black poodle named Maxie. “He’s a real punk, who thinks that my neighbor’s Rottweiler is no match for him,” she reports. “They say that dogs resemble their owners. So I sometimes think that maybe he’s brave like me, but I always end up saving his life when he decides to attack dogs that are bigger than him.”
It’s good for a single girl to have a dog in swinging Tel Aviv, no?
“A dog in a big city is great. If you have a dog, you know the entire neighborhood and you get to meet people of all ages. You discover that, contrary to popular opinion, people in the big city are very sociable.
“Perhaps it’s merely a coincidence and just a generalization, but I noticed something strange. Guys have female dogs, which they name after their exes, but girls have male dogs with normal dog names. Can you imagine a girl with a dog named ‘Assaf’? It’s weird, no?”
What do you say to kindhearted souls who accuse you of having a dog instead of a husband?
“I think that’s ridiculous. True, it’s certainly heartwarming, if you’re alone, that there’s someone to greet you when you get home and that there’s someone to lick away your tears. But a dog is not a substitute for a guy. I don’t want a dog who’s a guy, and I definitely don’t want a guy who’s a dog.”
Do you only date guys who like dogs?
“I’m happy with a guy who loves dogs - it’s not a requirement, but it’s preferable – and not just someone who pretends at the beginning in order to gain points. Both dogs and people know who really loves them and who’s faking.
“Pay attention, people. My dog is not my mother, and you don’t have to make him like you. On the other hand, with a hand on my heart, it may be harder for me to handle a guy who doesn’t exactly love animals.
“I won’t give up my dog for any guy, just like I wouldn’t ask any guy to give up his friends or his Thursday night basketball games. I adore my dog. He’s small and slightly compressed, but there’s no one like him.”
Three is better than two
When Arik Gilrovitz, 39, a Motorola employee and part-time basketball coach, bought a Jacko parrot named Coco, his wife almost kicked him out.
“My wife hates animals. One day I brought home a Jacko chick. I fed it with a syringe, like a baby, for about two months. We clicked right away. Many times, when I come home from a long day of work and leave for coaching, I take a shower with him, just to get another five minutes of quality time with him.”
How did your wife react?
“I recall that shortly after Coco came to our house, I went to the US for a basketball tournament. When I came back two weeks later, I discovered that my wife had returned the parrot, because our young daughter was sick, and the doctor said that it seemed to be from him. I was livid! For half a year, he lived with my wife’s cousin. Each day I would go visit him in the morning before work and also after work. My wife had enough, and he returned home with honor.”
“I believe that if I would have introduced my wife to Coco when we were single, I would perhaps be with a different woman today. She’s jealous; there’s no question. Many times, she complains that I come from work and head straight to the roof to play with him and don’t even say hello to her.”
Are you worried that she may get rid of him one day?
“I’m joking. The truth is she loves him very much, despite everything, and he (loves) her. When he sees her, he starts saying the words and the voices that she makes, and it’s incredibly funny.”