While many people try to be more open minded in meeting and dating people, I'm actually looking to be more judgmental.
I’ve tried the former for too long now, and it has only led me astray. Hence, time to reassess, re-strategize and revolutionize my dating life.
First step, identify the problem. One of the biggest is identifying red lights and accepting them to be indicative of a greater truth.
A red light on date one, means no second date - I don't care how old I am, how cute he is, or how expensive dinner was.
And what does a red light entail?
- He calls me “sweetie”, “darling,” “honey” or any other term of endearment before I’ve even met him. In fact, if he calls me anything but my own name before the three week mark, minimum.
- He meets me online and demands a photo before providing his own. The person who makes contact first is obliged to show their ID card first.
- He asks me about my sexual history on a first date. Even on a second date, it’s just not appropriate conversation.
- He asks me if I’m on the pill before we’ve sat down for drinks.
- He does not have a job.
- He does have a job, but he continues to live with his parents.
- He’s been divorced more than once.
- He claims that all his exes are crazy.
- He says that I’m different than all the other girls (especially worrying after a first date).
- He seems to find me more interesting than even I find myself.
- He laughs at almost everything I say. Again, even I know I’m not THAT funny.
- He can’t remember half of what I say, especially basics like where I’m from, what I studied or how many siblings I have.
- He thinks making fun of my age or weight is appropriate banter.
- He’s cheating on someone else to be with me.
- He’s rude to service people.
- He makes excuses for bad behavior.
- He doesn’t know the difference between a woman being needy and a woman having needs.
- Same goes for demanding.
- He expresses both of those at the beginning of the relationship – a passive aggressive tactic to keep my “behavior” in check.
- He actually uses the term “your behavior”.
- He continually uses past relationships as a frame of reference.
- He fields calls from an ex while we are on a date.
- He answers his cell phone during sex.
- Even after a few drinks, I’m not sexually drawn to him.
- A few more drinks don’t seem to help.
- He doesn’t call the morning after.
Well those are just a few of mine. Please feel free to add your own.
Abigail can be contacted for advice, comments, compliments and ideas at [email protected]