“Thank you for fighting for me.” Freed hostage Evyatar David published his first personal post since his release on Thursday, publicly sharing for the first time the difficulties he continues to face.
David revealed that his family had launched a crowdfunding campaign to help him focus on his recovery. “I am not writing so people will pity me,” he wrote. “I am writing because I want to win this battle too.”
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David, who was released after 738 days in Hamas captivity, said he was not entirely sure why he had decided to share his feelings now. “Maybe because after more than two years in captivity, I was certain that after everything I had been through, nothing in life would ever feel too big for me,” he wrote.
“It is crazy to think that I went to dance and have fun at Nova, and in a single moment, without any warning or sense that my life was about to change, I was brutally kidnapped while being beaten and abused.”
The captivity survivor continued: “Within a short time, they put me in a dark tunnel, in harsh conditions, with very little air, dust and dirt. I did not think about the day after. I could not think that far ahead. “I had one goal: to hold on for one more day. And then another day. Until I returned home.
“In the moments when I had almost no strength left, I thought about my parents, my family and my friends. I imagined the moment I would see them again.
“Every day, when hunger had already become routine and loneliness caused pain in my soul, what strengthened me was knowing that they were waiting for me. The hope and belief that no one would give up on me were what kept me going.”
'The people of Israel reminded me there is also good in the world'
David was released on October 13 last year. “And then I came back,” he wrote, opening the section about the most significant change in his life. I received more love than anyone could imagine. The first hug with my mother, father and brothers was a moment I had dreamed about for so long.
“I met my friends, and people I had never known came up to me, cried with me and told me they had prayed for my return. I wish I could hug every one of them. You saved my soul. After everything I saw there, the people of Israel reminded me that there is also good in the world.”
David said he was truly grateful for every moment he was alive, for his family and for the ability to wake up in the morning as a free man. “But slowly, I understood that even when you return home, not everything returns with you,” he wrote.
“There are moments when I am in the safest place possible, surrounded by people I love, and suddenly something inside me goes back there. I tell myself, ‘You came back. You are home. You are free.’ But the mind and body do not always manage to believe it.”
David then addressed the personal distress that continues to affect him. “I am dealing with post-trauma and flashbacks,” he wrote. “Those are words I never thought I would have to use when speaking about myself. I was certain that after everything I survived, I would be able to handle anything alone. But I discovered that surviving captivity and returning home is one thing. Truly returning to life is another process entirely.
“It is important to me that you understand that the story of a captivity survivor does not end the moment the door opens and he returns to his family. That is precisely when a struggle begins that people on the outside cannot always see.”
Evyatar David in a Hamas video
David continued: “There are days when I smile only because I feel uncomfortable reacting any other way. “To this day, I do not know what to say when people approach me and say, ‘Evyatar David? Wow, finally you have put on a little weight. You look good.’
“In that moment, I smile, but inside it hurts. Because what people see on the outside is not always what is happening inside. It would have been much easier for me to write that everything is fine and move on. But I do not want only to look fine.”
“I want to truly recover. To return to myself. To feel safe. To build a future. To dream again and live the life I fought for almost two years not to lose. Even when the terrorists forced me, with almost the last of my strength, to dig my own grave, I did not give up.
“I stood there and did not know whether it was my final moment. At moments like that, you do not think about big things. You think about home. I was afraid. It is impossible not to be afraid at a moment like that. I survived that moment too. But it did not stay there.
“Sometimes it returns to me without warning, in the middle of the day, in a safe place, precisely when everything around me seems calm and quiet.”
David said he was not writing to seek pity, but because he believed he had the strength to fulfill his dream and show his captors that he had won. “They enjoyed watching me shrink and weaken slowly, in unimaginable suffering,” he wrote. “My dream is to feel the real victory, to marry and build a family in Israel, rooted in Judaism and faith.
“I am Jewish, and I am proud of it. No one will take that away from me. My rehabilitation journey is long and challenging. I cannot also think about how to finance the process of returning to life. It is not easy for me to write these lines. I never imagined that I would ask for help.”