"The best advice for a manager is this: If you're not sure, or if you have any doubt that the message, email or sentence you're about to say to employees is problematic, don't say it." That advice comes from George Stern, an American workplace expert who has become something of a guru in the field thanks to social media.
It is advice that virtually every career and human resources consultant would probably endorse wholeheartedly, and it may be the most basic principle in employer-employee relations. From disputes over job responsibilities and employment conditions to expectations that workers be available on days off or at night, the delicate boundaries between bosses and employees are constantly being reshaped, and it is not always easy to tell when they are becoming blurred and problematic.
In the United States, corporate euphemisms are frequently used to convey messages or make requests that may be inappropriate. Employees who ask direct questions are often met with answers involving "goals," "efficiency cuts," "workplace climate," "performance improvement plans" and numerous other terms that can obscure processes that are largely not in employees' interests.
What about Israel? Sivan David, CEO of David HR and head of human capital, employers and training at Norterra, says: "The Israeli market is much more direct and people don't beat around the bush. The elevated language and terminology that conceal toxicity are much more characteristic of North America. I've encountered inappropriate requests in the Israeli labor market, or employees being contacted outside working hours or in the middle of personal events, but it was much more direct and less concealed."
Noa Lebovich, founder of empply and a career management consultant specializing in the new world of work, explains: "Sometimes it's done manipulatively. They talk to you like a friend: 'Come on, just check your email for a second,' 'Do me a favor' and other expressions like that. It doesn't matter to them that the employee is in the middle of an event or on vacation. It's an attempt to exploit Israeli informality and the idea that 'we're all family here at the company.'"
In Israel, it's fairly common to hear 'we're all family here.' But don't you feel that sometimes it really is genuine and not just an empty cover?
David: "It can genuinely come from a good place of friendship and mutual appreciation, but it's very important to make sure it doesn't cross boundaries and that the proper balance between work and personal life doesn't become blurred. A good atmosphere and mutual appreciation are great, but WhatsApp messages at 10 p.m. or unusual requests are much less legitimate."
Lebovich adds: "Everyone has their own boundaries. Some people are used to, and even enjoy, working from home in the evening, while others finish their workday at 6 p.m., and that's perfectly fine. Work-life balance is individual, but there are definitely actions or requests from managers that are out of bounds, and that shouldn't be accepted."
What do you do about endless WhatsApp groups and messages? It's a tool that blurs the line between personal and professional life, and it's not easy to draw the boundary.
David: "I worked at a startup where the CEO would send messages on Fridays and Saturdays, and it was unbearable. I spoke to him and explained that it wasn't acceptable, that this was time off and he needed to respect it. It took him time to understand, and over time he also saw that no one was answering, and eventually he got it. At one point everyone simply ignored the messages, and on Sunday morning I replied and wrote, 'Now is a good time to talk about it.'"
But if we put ourselves in managers' shoes, sometimes there really are urgent matters, aren't there?
David: "There's urgent and there's important. Important is something that needs to be done when you have time. Urgent means that if you don't do it now, the company will collapse or it's a genuine emergency. That's something that should happen rarely, but if it happens too often, it clearly shows there's a management problem and that employees are being exploited."
She notes that this is more common at startups, where the pace is fast and there are times when a task genuinely must be completed for a client, making it much harder to draw the line.
"Sometimes it really is critical because if there isn't a quick response, it could have a dramatic impact on the company. The boundaries there are more blurred."
Sivan David and Noa Lebovich, labor market experts
(Photo: Courtesy)
One of the problems created by blurred boundaries is that WhatsApp has become a work tool even though it is also used for personal life, causing the two to mix. David explains: "The problem is that managers are sort of your friends. They're connected to you on social media, they see that you're online, they look at your status or story, and the phone essentially causes those boundaries to be breached. They see that you're online, they see the blue check marks and they expect you to answer, regardless of the time."
Lebovich says: "You have to pay attention to what's happening here. Do I need to think twice about whether to be online or post something personal on social media? I don't want to change my habits and my life because I'm thinking about whether someone saw something or didn't. If you don't set the right boundaries at the beginning, things deteriorate."
Will HR solve the problem?
Stern, the American workplace expert, has taken these clashes between employees and bosses to the next level. On his popular Instagram account, he shares transcripts of problematic conversations, showing exactly when a boss crosses the line and what the employee should say in response to keep the boundaries clear.
Many of those conversations show that when an employee writes that they intend to take the issue to human resources and involve HR in the dispute, the toxic boss backs down after realizing a line has been crossed and that another party within the company is about to become involved.
David and Lebovich say the situation in Israel can sometimes be different.
"Human resources managers have to be loyal to the company and sometimes find it difficult to side with the employee," David says.
Lebovich adds: "HR isn't supposed to take sides, but in Israel we often see them siding with the employer, which is why many employees don't think to take these cases to them. They're supposed to mediate between the two sides, but in practice we see that this doesn't always happen. The role is perceived differently in Israel than in the United States. They're more focused on demonstrating their loyalty to the organization than to the employees."
So if HR doesn't provide a solution, what do you do about a toxic manager making inappropriate demands?
David: "It's unpleasant to say, but sometimes you simply have to leave and look for another job. I've had two cases in which I experienced workplace bullying from bosses. In one, there was an invasion of privacy by the CEO, and in another a CEO clipped my wings. I chose to leave because that was the right decision. There are bosses who don't change, and there is a company atmosphere or DNA that you recognize simply isn't right for you. In that case, it's better to start looking for something else. That's the right way."
How do you deal with the generational gap between 'old-school' managers and Gen Z employees who are looking for different things from the workplace?
David: "It's a fundamental issue in today's labor market. You really see it in long-established companies, such as those in the defense industries. I remember cases where the gap was so large that even the sense of humor was different — the manager couldn't understand why people weren't laughing at his jokes.
"The attitude among the younger generation today is, 'If it's not good for me, I'm leaving,' and that clashes sharply with the old attitude of, 'I'm here until retirement.' It's important to remember that these are generalizations and that we need to try to bridge the gap in different situations. There's no single magic solution to the problem."
Lebovich adds: "Managers need to understand the employees' perspective, not just that of the organization. That's especially true of Gen Z employees, who come to work with different expectations. They want to develop quickly, feel that they have somewhere to move and often have less patience. If they feel they've exhausted what the job has to offer, that they aren't advancing or that the workplace is no longer giving them anything, they won't stay just because 'that's what you're supposed to do.'
"I knew a manager who was very happy that everyone on the team was fulfilling their function and everything was running smoothly, but he wasn't thinking about the employee who had already exhausted the role or the fact that he wasn't promoting that employee because he preferred keeping them in the position they were in.
"It's important for managers and organizations to think about employee advancement, development and retention because otherwise people will simply get up and leave. With this generation, if you haven't advanced after a certain period of time, you'll become frustrated and want to look for something else. It happens in many organizations where, ultimately, the manager thinks about themselves and the team more than about the employee. Managers have to take that into account.
"And yes, from an organization's perspective, there is a risk. You might invest in an employee, train them and then six months or a year later they decide they already want the next thing. But in my view, the question isn't how to force them to stay. It's how to build a role they'll want to stay in."
A real vacation or sitting by the pool with a laptop?
One of the most sensitive issues surrounding boundaries and work-life balance is vacation time. Because workers are so accessible and working from home has become routine, many workplaces understand that an employee is on vacation and not physically in the office but still expect some degree of availability or answers to "urgent" questions.
Working while on vacation
(Photo: AI-generated)
How legitimate is it to ask employees to remain available or handle certain requests while they're on vacation?
David: "I came across exactly this kind of case very recently. A candidate I'm advising told me she had taken time off for her birthday. On the morning of her birthday, she received a message from her manager: 'Listen, you didn't send this email and you didn't submit this report.'
"She was a little stunned and told me, 'I took the day off, she knows it's my birthday, and instead of wishing me a happy birthday she's writing to me about these things.'
"I asked her, 'So what did you do?' She replied, 'I took care of it and sent everything.'
"I asked her, 'Why did you do that? You needed to set a boundary.'"
You can tell her that, but the employee is already in a difficult position with her manager. What could she have done differently?
"I think that if someone did something like that to me, I'd write a lighthearted reply but with a little sting to it, something like, 'What a happy day today is — it's my birthday. What would you like to wish me?' I wouldn't write a harsh or confrontational response, but I would definitely make my position clear and emphasize the importance of vacation time that had been approved in advance."
But a response like that could antagonize some people.
"We have choices in life. You can choose to keep working at a company with that kind of organizational culture or that kind of manager, or you can decide to leave. That's ultimately the message. You can choose the kind of environment and the kind of people you're willing to work under.
"If the manager is toxic, you simply need to look for somewhere else, preferably while you're still working there. Looking for another job while you're still employed gives you a lot of confidence and leverage. You're not sitting at home wasting away. You keep working and go to interviews from time to time while looking to improve your situation.
"Once you've made the decision to leave, it's also easier to deal with a toxic manager because you know it's going to end soon."
Lebovich says: "If I'm on vacation and that's how it's defined, then of course I'm available — available for fun, for my vacation and for whatever I choose. That's why I don't like hiding the blue check marks on WhatsApp. I shouldn't have to change my habits because my workplace doesn't respect appropriate boundaries."
'From the Front to the Contract' — should reservists hide their service?
While many of the examples Stern shares from the United States involve disrespect for vacation days and demands that employees work on weekends, Israel also has examples of insensitivity surrounding the security situation.
These range from international companies that, after October 7, failed to understand the scale of the trauma, to employees who were evacuated to other parts of the country but were still required to work, and employers who are reluctant to hire reservists who may be absent from work frequently.
Lebovich and David are part of an initiative called "From the Front to the Contract," a volunteer project that helps reservists return to the labor market.
"I can say with great sadness that this has become a complicated issue," Lebovich says. "There are cases where we progress through the hiring process and realize there will be difficulty surrounding reserve duty. Sometimes you really have to hide it so as not to raise the issue. It reduces their chances of getting the job, and we're really trying to help them and prevent this phenomenon.
"It's a complicated situation, but everyone has to understand that if these people don't go out to defend us, there will be no State of Israel. That's the most significant part of this entire story, and we must not forget it."