A child can arrive in Israel excited by a new home, new food and new experiences, only to struggle months later with school, friendships or the feeling that everything works differently. According to developmental psychologist Nufar Bar Lipshitz, that shift does not necessarily mean something has gone wrong. It can be part of the emotional stages children go through as they adjust to life after aliyah.
Bar Lipshitz evaluates and treats infants and young children and guides parents through developmental and emotional challenges. She works at the Child Development Institute in Afula and sees patients through Clalit Health Services in Beit She'an, alongside running a private clinic.
Aliyah through a child’s eyes
(Video: Yaron Sharon)
For parents, she says, understanding the stages of adjustment can make it easier to recognize what a child is experiencing and provide the right support along the way.
First comes grief
The process begins before a child starts adapting to Israel. Making aliyah also means leaving something behind. “First of all, you have to grieve,” Bar Lipshitz said. Children may leave behind relatives, friends, familiar surroundings, routines and a culture they understood instinctively. Even when the move is wanted and exciting, those losses are real.
Parents should therefore make room for both parts of the experience, she says: the life the child left behind and the one they are beginning to build. The goal is not to replace the old with the new, but to help children stay connected to their past while gradually becoming comfortable with their future.
The honeymoon phase
For many families, the first period after arrival is filled with novelty. Children encounter new food, new places and unfamiliar experiences. Everything can feel exciting and full of possibility. “You’re very excited and you’re curious about this new country,” Bar Lipshitz said. “That’s the honeymoon phase.”
But the excitement of arrival does not last forever. After around three months, she says, some children may begin experiencing culture shock as they realize more fully that they are living in a different language and culture. The differences are no longer simply new. They are now part of everyday life.
The culture shock stage
For children starting a new school or daycare, Hebrew may be the most obvious challenge, but it is only one part of the adjustment. “It’s not only the language,” Bar Lipshitz said. “The culture is different. Even the games are different.” A child must learn how other children interact, how teachers communicate, what is expected during the school day and how to enter social groups that may already be well established.
An oleh child may arrive in a classroom where classmates have known one another for years. While everyone else understands the unwritten rules, the newcomer is learning them from scratch while also trying to follow a new language. Even small differences can add another layer of uncertainty.
The adjustment stage
The next stage is about gradually making the unfamiliar familiar. Children begin learning the routines and customs around them, understanding more of the language and feeling more comfortable in their new environment.
(Photo: Sabphoto / Shutterstock)
That process requires support. Bar Lipshitz says parents, teachers and the wider environment can all help children find their place. They may need encouragement entering social situations, help understanding what is expected of them and, above all, time.
Adjustment should not be measured only by how quickly a child begins speaking Hebrew. Young children may also struggle to understand and communicate what they are feeling. “They don’t have the emotional language,” Bar Lipshitz said. As a result, children may not tell their parents they feel overwhelmed, lonely or anxious. Instead, their behavior may show it.
When behavior speaks for them
Some children may become more withdrawn or stop playing with their peers. Others may experience regression, changes in eating, sleep difficulties or begin wetting the bed again. A child who was previously outgoing may become unusually quiet.
These signs do not necessarily mean a child is failing to adjust. But Bar Lipshitz says parents should pay attention to significant or persistent changes, particularly when they interfere with everyday life. Rather than viewing every difficult behavior as defiance or a failure to integrate, parents should consider what the child may be experiencing underneath it.
Professional support can also be sought when needed. Bar Lipshitz notes that families can turn to health care providers such as Clalit for psychological guidance, and parents who encounter a language barrier can ask for an English-speaking professional to return their call.
The final stage: Belonging
The final stage is not simply reaching the point where a child speaks fluent Hebrew or no longer appears new at school. For Bar Lipshitz, successful adjustment means feeling comfortable in both worlds. “It’s actually being bicultural, bilingual,” she said.
(Photo: Shutterstock/NewJadsada)
A child can become part of Israeli society while remaining connected to the language, culture and identity they brought with them. They should not feel that becoming Israeli requires them to be ashamed of where they came from or to hide it.
Over time, what once felt foreign can become familiar. Hebrew becomes easier. Friendships form. A new school develops its own routines. The child begins to understand the social cues and everyday habits that once seemed confusing, but adaptation does not have to mean replacement.
Parents are adjusting too
Children also take cues from the adults around them. Parents making aliyah are navigating many of the same changes themselves, from a new language and culture to unfamiliar systems and routines. Bar Lipshitz says that as parents begin to feel more secure and at home in their new environment, that stability can help their children as well.
For children, aliyah can move through excitement, culture shock and uncertainty before reaching adjustment and belonging. Understanding that there are stages along the way can help parents see those changes as part of a larger transition. And the goal, Bar Lipshitz stresses, is not a child who has forgotten the life they had before Israel, but one who can feel at home in the new one while still carrying the old one with them.
- In cooperation with Clalit Healthcare Services
First published: 16:53, 09.24.26